Cooking, you either love it or can’t be arsed with it.
But even the most oven-shy of sailors needs a dish or two up their sleeve.
On a recent sailing trip the skipper caught me squinting somewhat quizzically at a lumpy green object lurking in the fruit-bowl.
Skipper: “What’s the problem?”
Ben: “I’m trying to work out what that is.”
Skipper: (somewhat bemused) “Er, (titter), it’s an avocado.”
Ben: “Ahhhh right. (noticing growing laughter among the crew) Look, I’m from the North okay, I’ve never seen one wrapped!”
Yep, it’s fair to say I’m not much of a hand in the kitchen. I just don’t see the point; the preparation time, the cooking time and all that bloody cleaning-up afterwards. If I can’t throw it together in five minutes I’ll either order out for it or go the hell out for it.
Which is fine when you’re sequestered in a town well served with pubs, restaurants and takeaways, but not so fine when you’re in the middle of an ocean.
So far, across the many weeks I’ve spent aboard boats, my galley-dodging has enjoyed an unbroken record. A combination of eating out, eating light or trading my washing-up skills (which are par excellence) for someone else’s hob-hugging ones has saved me from having to cook, and the rest of the crew from having to suffer the consequences.
Hmmm, perhaps that unbroken record is just down to self-preservation on my crewmates’ parts.
Here’s the first of mine. It’s the slightly less blokeish of the two but it does entail a degree of peeling and chopping which, if attempted in a seaway, could be feeding the bilge-rats for months to come. However in port or at anchor it’s a breeze to make and it keeps really well in the fridge – useful if you’re preparing meals before setting off on a multi-day passage. It’s also immensely forgiving; you can get the ingredients way off and overcook the hell out of it and it’s still pleasingly edible. And since the only meat in it is corned beef you can also undercook the hell out of it with minimal risk of fatalities.
What you need
To rustle up a simple corned beef stew for four people, have the following on your shopping list:-
- Corned Beef: 1 tin
- Potatoes: 5 medium sized spuds (if you peel them like I do, make it 6)
- Carrots: 2
- Leeks: 2 (an onion will work fine too)
- Stock Cube: 1 (beef or vegetable)
- Lentils: 4 tablespoons
You can throw in any other vegetables you have to hand as well so this one can work quite well towards the end of a passage when you need to use up whatever unloved objects are rolling around the bottom of the dry locker.
What you do
Peel the potatoes and carrots then chop them up along with the leeks (geezers note: don’t use the leafy bits at the top end of the stalk) and the corned beef into bite-sized chunks.
Throw them all in a pan along with the lentils and crumble in the stock cube.
Add water to about three-quarter cover the contents of the pan (geezers note: the veg will reduce down when cooked so if you cover completely you’ll end up with something resembling dinner in a Russian gulag).
Stick it on the hob and bring to the boil then leave it to simmer (geezers note: that means cook it hot enough to keep a few bubbles rising to the surface).
It’s edible in about 30 minutes but I prefer about 45 to soften up the veg a bit more.
Bask in the glory
Et voila! Serve on a plate, in a bowl or ladle into a mug for the poor sods up on deck.
This has been proven non-toxic even in the hands of the most clueless chef (me!) but if you do manage to hospitalise anyone with it, do let me know.
